Sunday, May 3, 2009

10 years ago

Ten years ago around this time I was being driven to the hospital in Massachusetts to be admitted for a scheduled C-section for our first child. It was a misty morning and I was nervous and excited at the same time. We just moved to Massachusetts a few days prior. I went to see my new OB on a Thursday and he said "Looks like we'll have a baby on Monday". My reaction - "This Monday. Like the Monday after this Saturday Monday. Can we wait?" He said I could, but for how long. "A month or so maybe?" I replied. I was not ready. I just moved from New York, had boxes and boxes to open, things to put away, we did not have a changing table or any furniture for that matter. We borrowed Sheila and Kevin's baby bassinet. Fortunately for us, Cindy was in to see her folks in Conn. and she drove over to see us. When you need action done, Cindy is the one to call. She took good care of us and got all we needed for those first days.

So I remember the op room. Not a place that is cheery. It probably made me more nervous than ever. I can't recall all the procedures except for the arms out routine, the draping, the tugging and such. I however vividly remember when the doctor delivered the baby and showed her to me over the drape. Something came flying towards me before the baby so I was stunned when I saw the little one. They took her and cleaned her up, checked her out, measured her and such. Paul was right next to me. Staring down at me. He looked ashen. He kept stroking me. Then they gave the baby to Paul and he brought her down to me. All I could see was her face. She was a cocoon with a cap. But to me she was beautiful. I fell utterly, totally, fully and unconditionally in love with this child. Right there.

After I was all taken care of, we were in a recovery room. Us. Our new family. Our new baby - Sarah - Paul and me. Paul held her oddly at first. I suppose he was being very cautious. After awhile he did bring her to me in the bed. I stared at that child for the beginning of an eternity. There was nothing more important or more interesting to me at that time. Just Sarah.

And now 10 years later I reflect on what a wonderful child my Saz is. She is smart, talented, funny, beautiful, interesting, good hearted, and a blessed child of God. She is so precious to me. I love her with all I am. God has shown me what love is for a child that I never could have understood before. He has shown me what my mom feels, which I never did understand before.

Not everyday is a bed of roses I do have to admit. Those of you who know us know that I am at wit's end most days; some new adventure to traverse on a daily basis around here.

But all in all I am so proud of my Saz. She's a great kid. Thank you God for this child and for the blessing to be her mother. I prayed so many days for a child and You have answered my prayer many fold.

Happy Birthday my little pooka. Here's to your first decade. I love you dearly.


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